After the lies
by RNJ12
Summary: Checking in on Clara after the events of death in heaven, the doctor doesn't find her life quite as he expected to.
1. Chapter 1

It had been two months. Two months since The Doctor left Clara with Danny. Two months since he'd flown off in his TARDIS with a smile and a lie, in a desperate attempt that maybe one of them could be happy.

He'd tried to get on with things, but the TARDIS had never felt bigger or emptier. He needed her to show him the wonder in everything they saw together, ever the English teacher she had forced him to look beneath the surface and strive to find a deeper meaning in it all. And now she wasn't there, and he missed it.

The Doctor told himself he could never go back, that he would only ruin the happy life she had now, that he would regret it. In fact he was still telling himself those same things as he landed the TARDIS in the hallway of her flat. He quickly checked the monitors and found that Clara and Danny weren't home, maybe that was for the best. He could go in, just briefly, he would have time to check in quickly and he need not interfere with her life again.

He stepped gingerly out of the TARDIS and made his way along the hallway, coming first to the bedroom. He looked around him, it looked exactly as it always had. Her many pairs of high heeled boots were clustered in a corner of the room, a pile of marking lay next to the bottles of liquid eyeliner on the dressing table and her Coal Hill School ID badge was hung over the reading lamp on her bedside table, an open book lying next to it.

He glanced from the bedside table to the double bed in the centre of the room, and was surprised to see a split down the middle, one side was unmade and the covers folded back, as if they had been thrown off suddenly in an attempt to wake up that morning. The pillow on this side was creased and dented, the sign of a fair few nights of tossing and turning. The other side though was pristine, its pillow case was undisturbed and its half of the duvet was perfectly made. It hardly looked like it had been slept in for weeks.

Growing curious now, the Doctor headed towards the living room, and again found it no different than he remembered, no new books had been added to the shelves, no pile of maths exercise books sat next to her essays to be marked on the desk. No coat hung next to hers' on the back of the door.

It was at this point the Doctor began to worry, he knew he shouldn't, he knew that he should stick to his word and leave her to her own life. But that had been a life with Danny, and as of this moment he couldn't even find any sign that this life existed. He had feared this, but he hadn't dared to believe it might happen. Danny wasn't back at all.

He continued his investigation of the room and his attention was drawn to the post it notes littering her bookshelves. He recognised the contents of most of them; brief, two or three word synopses of their travels. And then in the centre other notes: "Just say it" and "Truth". These post it notes seemed undisturbed, as if they had sat there for many weeks, a very fine layer of dust gathered on a few of them. But one had been altered, again and again. The original marker-pen message had been scribbled over in blue biro, black biro, her red essay-marking biro, then in pencil, then felt tip, then ink. The note's previous messages were still legible underneath the corrections and the Doctor read "three months","14 weeks", "15 weeks" then "4 months", "4 months 2 weeks", "20 weeks" and "twenty two weeks" scrawled over the fluorescent yellow note paper.

At this point the Doctor's brain went into overdrive, he dashed around the room mumbling to himself furiously "weeks, months? Weeks?" he repeated to himself, and then "MONTHS!" he exclaimed as he caught sight of Clara's calendar hanging on the wall next to the kitchen door.

He tore his way through the pages of Clara's calendar desperately searching for any hints as to the meaning of the note. In her Calendar he found the same scribbles, marking the same dates. He flicked pages out of the way, working his way from the three month mark forwards, it was at 20 weeks when he stopped turning pages and just stared. Because along with the week marking was another note. Clara's neat printing read "scan this week".

The Doctor dropped the calendar pages with a now-shaking hand, he took a step backwards as dozens of thoughts seemed to enter his mind in the same moment. He saw the past few months from the perspective of an outsider.

He saw Clara's face as he told her "you'd have stopped having wars … and stopped having babies."

He saw her declare that "you can't blame a baby for kicking".

He remembered Courtney teasing her on their way back from the moon "so Miss, what was that you said back there about wanting to have babies" and he remembered Clara's quick response of "quiet Courtney!" said through gritted teeth with a far off look in her eye.

He saw the panic on her face when he told her he knew she had news for him, or declared that she was quite a mess of chemicals.

He saw the look on her face as she cared for the children in her charge, he saw her pulling Maebh towards her and shielding her from the wolves, he saw her kneeling at the foot of Rupert's bed, spinning him a tale to keep him safe.

Then he heard the sound of a key in the lock on the front door, and the Clara he was seeing wasn't just in his mind's eye. She stood in front of him, bag falling from her shoulder and shaking hand flying to cover her gaping mouth as she stared at him.

"Doctor, I …" she started, but soon stopped when she saw the post it note in his hand and the look on his face.

He stared at her, but he didn't seem to see her face as his gaze was fixed upon the bump that protruded from her coat, no longer small enough to be hidden under jumpers and jackets. His shaking hands reached towards her, one very briefly resting on her bump before pulling her into a tight hug.

"Clara, I lied, I lied and I'm so sorry" he whispered.

"sorry, for exactly the same" Clara replied, her face burying into his shoulder.


	2. Chapter 2

_I had never planned for this to be more than a one-chapter fic, but I got some lovely lovely reviews and many more people following the story than i usually get. And I had really enjoyed writing the first chapter. So I thought I would post a second chapter. _

_I think I have plans for a third chapter, then maybe i will finish it there. who knows ! _

_reviews greatly appreciated, love to hear what people think. _

_Ruth x _

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><p>Neither of them could say how long they stood there, Clara's face buried in the Doctor's shoulder as he clung on to her, almost in disbelief, as if scared that any minute now he would be alone again.<p>

Eventually Clara disentangled herself from the Doctor's arms.

"Hey" she said quietly, her voice barely more than a whisper, "I missed you" she continued, a sad smile playing across her lips.

"Hey" the Doctor replied equally quietly. "I missed you too."

"Well then," Clara said briskly as she composed herself, "We have some catching up to do, you know what that means?"

The Doctor looked nervous "what?"

"Tea!" she replied with a small smile, steering him by the shoulders into the kitchen.

"No but Clara, you can't have tea, you're …" he hesitated, almost not sure that he should be the one to point it out.

"It's Decaf you idiot" she laughed, grabbing two mugs off the shelves.

Minutes later they sat silently, side by side on the sofa, partially drunk mugs of tea clasped in their hands. The Doctor looked over at Clara as she stared into the space in front of her.

"That catching up we have to do Clara," the Doctor said slowly, "this seems as good a time as any."

"Yeah it does" she replied uncertainly, turning to face him at last.

"So, let's start again Clara. We sat in that café, and you told me to listen, if I had done. Then what? What would you have told me Clara?"

It was then that the first tear fell, as Clara stuttered her way through the last two and a half months of her life.

"Danny, he erm, he knew what the bracelet could do Doctor, he understood that he could use it to travel back to this world."

"So, he chose not to?"

"No, Doctor, No! You promised you would listen this time remember?" Clara gabbled

"Okay, Clara, Clara it's fine, you're fine" He replied soothingly, "I'm sorry, I'm listening, I am"

"When Danny was in Afghanistan," she started, her voice shaking.

The Doctor reached across to her, taking her hand gently in his. "Go on Clara".

She looked over at him, smiling weakly.

"When he was a soldier in Afghanistan, Danny was on Patrol, and they were sent towards a house, which they were told the enemy were using as a base. Danny's patrol were sent in, but the house wasn't what they had expected. By the time they had realised this it was too late and he had … already …" Clara stopped, and tears fell freely "He killed a boy Doctor, a boy who lived in that house, and it haunted him Doctor, it hurt him every single day" Her tears became sobs and the Doctor wrapped an arm around her shoulder as she cried.

"Clara, forgive me, please but I need you to tell me the rest, where is Danny?"

"He sent the boy back Doctor, he knew one person could use the bracelet, and he gave it to someone else." Her words were only just audible through her tears now, and the Doctor held her tighter towards him as her body shook with sobs against his side. He stroked her hair soothingly.

"Clara I'm so sorry, so so sorry" he mumbled into her ear. His hand moved further around her waist resting gently on the side of her bump.

"And what would you have told me next if I'd have listened Clara? What about this?"

"Yeah" she sighed, her hand joining his on her stomach. "This."


	3. Chapter 3

_I hope you enjoy, I didn't cover as much ground as I had thought I would with chapter 3. It may well go to a fourth chapter. I have no idea when to stop with this anymore!  
><em>

_Thank you for your comments, they are greatly appreciated. Any feedback is nice to get. _

_Ruth_

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><p>Clara stared at the half-drunk cup of tea in her hand, and began to move the cup to her lips.<p>

"Clara, we both know that tea went cold ages ago" The Doctor replied, a hint of impatience in his voice, "Please, stop stalling for time"

Clara took a deep breath in and, replacing the mug on its coaster, turned to face the Doctor again, red-eyed but determined. Her hand absent-mindedly stroked the bump as she began.

"Okay, I guess next I would have told you that after you left Coal Hill, things were going really well for me and Danny. He didn't know everything about you or the other side to my life, but he knew the majority, and he was still there. He hadn't run away, he hadn't left me or called me crazy. He hadn't done any of the things I had worried he might do."

The Doctor nodded encouragingly, urging her on.

"So I suppose I was just so happy that he could know so much about me, and still want to be with me. You know?" She said quietly, a faint blush rising in her cheeks.

"I understand Clara" the Doctor responded, "the key to the heart of a liar, accept everything about them, especially the things they try to hide"

Clara chuckled slightly.

"I don't know where you come up with these things Doctor, but yeah, I guess you're right. Anyway, we were happy, really happy, and I suppose in those few weeks I started to let my guard down around him more and more."

The Doctor seemed to fidget slightly in his seat and averted his gaze away from Clara's as if embarrassed.

"You know I didn't mean those kind of guards Doctor!" she said, almost her old self for a moment as she batted him playfully on the upper arm, and then, after some consideration she continued "But, yeah I suppose we were less careful in many aspects of our lives."

Clara almost laughed to see the Doctor's facial expression of mock horror (or, now that she looked closer, maybe a hint of real horror), but she carried on regardless, now that she had started to talk to him it was too hard to stop.

"Well by the time you and I went to the moon with Courtney, I was already, erm, I was already a few weeks late and …"

"Late ?" the Doctor queried, a look of pure confusion on his face.

"Honestly man! You call yourself a Doctor?" Clara giggled.

"Oh right, sorry, yes, _late" _The Doctor replied, a blush appearing on his cheeks to match that on Clara's.

"But I just sort of ignored it you know? I mean it was always tricky to keep track, I've found calendars aren't that effective when time travel is involved." She joked, in some sort of attempt to put the Doctor back at ease, he smiled ever so slightly and his gaze met hers again.

"No, I imagine they're not" he muttered, nodding for her to carry on.

"And there had been so much going on, I put it down to the stress of dangerous situations, or the regular rushes of adrenaline that hit me, or even the physical strain of all that bloody running! But then Lundvik asked me if I had babies down there on Earth, and for the first time it struck me that maybe I did. And that's partially why I had to get out, Doctor. I was starting to face the fact that maybe it wasn't just my life I was risking anymore. But I found once I was home I wasn't ready to give it up, I wasn't ready to accept the truth so I pushed it to the back of my mind."

The Doctor was watching her closely, scolding himself for not noticing what was happening to Clara earlier. She had been right by his side throughout these events, and he hadn't picked up on a thing.

"So what changed Clara? When did you know?"

"I saw how Danny was with the kids in the forest, and suddenly I knew that I could face it and let it be a real possibility in my mind. I knew that even if it was true, I could manage because …"

Her sentence trailed off as her body visibly stiffened, and her now animated voice was replaced by one which was fragile and reluctant as she contemplated the words she was about to say.

"Because I knew Danny would be here to protect us like that" she almost whispered.

The Doctor looked down at Clara's hand resting on the sofa between them, and after a moment's quiet deliberation placed his own hand over hers.

This action seemed to cause Clara to snap out of some kind of reverie and she almost flinched as his hand found hers, but she didn't pull her hand away. Instead she turned her hand over and gripped his hand tightly.

The Doctor looked down at their hands briefly, and at the black bracelet which enclosed Clara's small wrist.

"Clara. This next question isn't going to be easy and I'm sorry. But, did Danny know about any of this when he died?"

Clara looked almost ashamed to meet his gaze as she mumbled quietly "I could never tell him face to face, so I tried to tell him by phone, I thought he could have time to process before we saw each other in the flesh, I had had weeks to face it so I wanted Danny to get more than a few seconds. But no, he never knew. I was talking to him on the phone when, when he … when the car hit."

Her hand shook in the Doctor's grip and he stroked her thumb gently with his own in an effort to calm her.

"I'm sorry, Clara. So, so sorry" he repeated under his breath while silent tears ran down Clara's cheeks.


	4. Chapter 4

_I have no idea whether to carry on with this, or if so for how long! This is the first fic i've written in a while and I am really enjoying writing it (though I do seem to only write between midnight and 2 am, which is becoming detrimental to my sleep patterns!) _

_Anyway, let me know what you think, and if you do choose to review I would appreciate your opinion on how far you want this to carry on (if at all!) _

_Thanks - Ruth x _

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><p>Minutes later, Clara's quiet voice broke the silence between them.<p>

"Doctor?" she said weakly

"mmm?" he responded.

"I don't know how to do this without Danny, I don't know what happens. I had this idea of a family in my head, and when I started to think I might be pregnant Danny became that idea, I could only imagine being a parent with Danny next to me, and now," she paused and took a deep breath "now he isn't here and I can't do this alone."

"Clara, Clara, Clara" he said sadly, turning to face her fully and taking her other hand so that she was directly facing him. "I wish Danny were here, I wish he could be with you for this, but just because he isn't, that is very different to you being alone"

"Is it?" Clara seemed sceptical, in a way the Doctor had rarely seen. Clara saw the good in things, Clara believed in impossibilities and in the preserving the positives in the world. And now she was sitting in front of him, feeling alone and abandoned. He couldn't bear it any more.

He leant in closer, forehead mere centimetres from hers as he told her; "You have people who care so much for you, your father, your grandmother, and me Clara, I won't leave you. You are not alone, you hear me?"

"But what do I do Doctor? I'm not a mum! I am not meant to be a mum! Danny, Danny was meant to be a dad, he was everything a parent should be, but me?" she paused, her eyes drifting away from the Doctor's gaze and staring into space, as if picturing herself in four months' time "I don't know how to be someone's mum Doctor"

"You? Clara Oswald? Not meant to be a mum?" he asked her, frowning slightly. "Clara Oswald who wouldn't let Rupert fear the monsters under the bed, Clara Oswald who had to make sure Courtney believed she was important, Clara Oswald who stepped in for Angie and Artie when they didn't have a mother there for them, Clara Oswald who made Merry Galel feel safe and reassured. Your child will be so lucky to have you as their mother"

Clara looked back at him, her eyes wide as she asked. "You really think I can do this?"

He smiled reassuringly at her, "you, Clara, will be the best mum in the world".

Tears of a different, happier nature welled in Clara's eyes then. She looked up at the Doctor and smiled. "Thank you so much" she said, slowly and deliberately, meaning every syllable.

Clara reached up and wrapped her arms round his neck, and sooner than she expected, she felt his arms round her waist returning the hug. "You're coming round to this hugging idea then?" she asked quietly.

"yeah, well it's not as bad I thought it was" he responded, and the smile on his face was almost audible as he spoke.

It was at that point that he felt Clara tense, heard her take a sharp breath and felt her move away from him. He pulled his hands away from her waist quickly.

"Clara? Clara what is it? I'm sorry, whatever it is I'm sorry"

"No, No it's not you. It's …"

The Doctor then noticed her hand pressed to the side of her bump. "Doctor something feels weird. Like really really weird" The panic was rising in her voice as her widened eyes stared at him.

"Clara, come on stay calm. Talk to me, tell me what's happening"

"I don't know Doctor, I don't know, there's this weird feeling, here just …" To his surprise she grabbed his hand and before he knew what was happening she was placing it on the side of her bump.

The Doctor stood silently for a moment, his hand perfectly still and a thoughtful expression on his face. After a few seconds he smiled back at her.

"twenty two weeks right ?" The Doctor asked her.

"Yes, Doctor, look please will you tell me because I really don't like this and …"

"Clara, shhh, it's moving, that's all. It's fine, It's normal to feel movement for the first time between sixteen and twenty five weeks. Look, it's your baby moving, stop panicking and focus on feeling it."

The Doctor swapped their hands so that hers was resting on her abdomen with his on top of it. "There, see"

Clara stood perfectly still, fear still evident on her face, but slowly her features relaxed as she felt the movement again.

"Oh my God," she whispered. "Oh my God this is real isn't it?"

"Yes Clara," the Doctor laughed softly, "this is definitely real."

"Hey," she countered, looking confused "how did you know that sixteen-to-twenty-five-weeks technical stuff"

"Dad skills" the Doctor replied quietly, a sad smile on his lips.


End file.
